Happy Birthday!

**My proudest moment**

My dearest Lucas,

I promised that I would write to you when you turn one, so when you're older you will know how our first year together had been.

So it's been one year since we first met.  Our first meeting was by far, the strangest, most awkward yet most amazing thing that I've ever had to go through.  It was painful and uncomfortable, but I didn't care because I was aching to meet you!  What made it more amazing and special was that I was able to hold you and pull you out myself.  

I did recognize you right away.  You looked like your dad and you are looking more and more like him everyday.  But your character and your ways are like mine.  You love to smile and laugh.  You make a lot of funny sounds and you are funny just like me.  Your dad says we are both "animated".

Our first couple of months with you are better than what we had expected.  The hardest part was breastfeeding you because you took time to latch, but when you did you were such a good eater.  You got big fast and you slept well.  You would only wake up every 3-4 hours, sometimes you'd sleep straight for 5 hours--that wasn't bad at all!  Your dad and your grandparents were extremely helpful, so I never got exhausted.  

You loved breast milk more than anything, and when I stopped breastfeeding you 5 months later, you started losing weight.  You didn't like formula--you would only drink very little of it.  We've tried different brands, nipples, warm, cold, different flavors--none of them worked.  You decided that milk wasn't your thing.  But you stayed healthy for us, and that's what's most important!  For the entire year, you've never been sick, other than that one time you had a bad stomach because I gave you something with coconut milk.  You didn't like that!  I don't consider that being sick though.  That was merely a reaction to mom's negligence.  I swear I'll be more careful with what I feed you going forward.

You've been the most patient baby, and I really like that about you.  Unlike other babies, you never complained of being wet or hungry.  Even when your diapers leaked, it didn't bother you.  It's been a year, but until now we still keep a daily record of your meals and your diaper change just so we know when to feed or change you, because you never ask for them.  

I can name five things that make you really happy:  (1) Solid food.  You don't care about milk, but solid food and water sustain you.  Meal time is probably your favorite time of the day, and your favorite food--yogurt!  (2) Books.  You love books!  You enjoy flipping the pages of your books as if you could read them.  During the day, we can leave you alone with your books and it doesn't bother you.  Although you  hate being alone, you consider your books company.  I hope you continue to like books and that you'll like reading as you get older.  (3) Bath time.  You've always loved bath time.  This was one of my easiest tasks--bathing you, because you just love the water.  What you don't like though is when we spray water on your face, so I always try to be careful when washing your face.  (4)  Pacifier.  You love your binky too much.  Sometimes you can't sleep without it.  I hope, sooner or later, it won't be too hard to wean you off. (5)  Cuddle.  Being held by mom or dad always makes you happy.  Oftentimes, you wake up in the middle of the night and you ask to sleep next to us.  You're not supposed to and you shouldn't get used to it, but I do love sleeping next to you as well.  

There are three things that make you cry--oh, I mean they make you really upset:  (1) when you realize you're alone.  You hate being alone.  You hate it when you don't see anybody around, especially at night.  I fear that you'll grow up very dependent but I hope you won't.  (2)  When people around you laugh out loud.  For whatever reason, you just don't like it.  Grandma thinks you're afraid people are laughing at you.  (3)  When I sing sad songs, especially those that say "good night" and "goodbye".  As if you understand what they mean--do you?

Son, in a matter of one year you have grown so much and you have learned so much.  It is almost unbelievable and it's wonderful!  I won't ever forget the first time you looked at me, your first smile, your first haircut, the first thing you learned to consistently do--kiss, your first step, your first word--which I hoped was going to be "mom" or "mama".  Unfortunately, it was "yogurt"!  But that's ok.  No matter what you said, whether I understood any of it or not, I am happy because simply hearing your voice makes me happy.

So I want to thank you, dear Lucas, for a great first year, for giving me and your dad the best year so far of our entire lives!  Right now, you have no idea how much our lives have changed because of you.  But eventually, you'll understand and you'll know that to us, you are nothing but a gift, a miracle--the one thing that made us complete.  People used to tell us that once we have you, our life is going to change--we are going to be less mobile and less flexible.  Yes, indeed.  Our lives changed and it has never been better!  We are still very mobile and very flexible.  In fact, now we have a better reason to travel.  We want to take you to places, and we want you to enjoy the beauty of the world with us.  

Thank you for your smile--my favorite part of you.  I look forward to it everyday!  You started smiling to us when you were only 4 days old and you've been smiling since then.  Your smile makes you very easy to photograph, and it melts my heart each time you give me one.  Your dad and I are addicted to your smile, and we don't know how we will survive without it.  

I also want to apologize to you, Son, for those instances that I lost my patience on you.  For those times when you'd cry hard because you didn't want to sleep and I'd scream at you.  For those times when I wasn't gentle to you, I regret every one of them.  Please know that everyday I try hard to be a better mom.  I can't be perfect, but I can be better.

Lucas, my dear, as you turn one you are supposed to make a wish.  But I know you won't, so allow me to make a wish for you.  I only wish that you'll stay healthy and happy for us.  Part of me is sad to see you get big so fast because I love so much having you as a baby!  But don't worry about that--I'll get over it in time because I'm also looking forward to see you grow up.  Pretty soon you'll be a little boy and I think you'll grow up to be a fine young man.  I would love to see that unfold. 

As for me, I can't promise you a perfect life.  I can't promise to provide you everything that you'll need or want.  I can't promise I'll be there for your every milestone, though I'll try.   I can't promise you anything but one thing--love.  I love you more than myself, and I love you more than anything in this universe!  And I promise that I will never, ever stop loving you.  Never.

Happy Birthday!!!

Love, 

Mom