Lingering Thoughts

I believe in destiny. I believe in the idea that some aspects of our lives have already been mapped out, planned for. We have the freewill to shape our future and lead our lives to the direction that we want. But if that doesn't turn out to be what was planned for us, then there are powers beyond our own that will take us back to where we should be. A friend of mine just proved to me once again that there is such a thing as "destiny". Long story, but a beautiful one. I might tell it one day.

***

I woke up one day realizing how much Lucas has grown. Sometimes, I am taken aback when he talks to me and suddenly he would sound like a grown up.  Sometimes, he makes me feel like I am the kid and he is the parent when he reminds me not to put my foot up on the chair or to stop biting my nails.  I was amazed when one time I sat down with him to teach him numbers and the next minute I saw him keying the numeric password on the iPad to unlock it--all on his own.

How can I not be keeping up with him? How can I not know where he is at--with his learnings, his progress, the new toys that he likes or new things that he likes to do?  Until now, I haven't made his dentist's appointment, which is now long overdue.  I haven't re-enrolled him in swim class after I took him off the class when we were going away for a month, and I didn't want to pay for the classes if he couldn't go to them.  And now the summer is almost over.  Before I know it, he'll be in school and his time at home will be limited to night and weekends, spring breaks and summer breaks.  And I'll just be one of those parents who take vacations during school breaks, because that's all the time there is to be with their kids.

I've been so busy. I didn't have to be, but I've made myself one. I feel that I have taken on so much that I am now falling short of being a mom and a wife.  I need some time off.  Some serious, extended time off.  I want to stay at home and be a full-time mom and a full-time wife.  I want to be with my son all day everyday, playing, eating and learning with him.  I want to take him to places and we can explore together.  Oh, how nice would that be?

Taking the time off from work will be a tough thing for me to do, but I might just make it happen.

***

Photo:  The Japanese Friendship Garden, San Jose, CA

Did You Know?

Lucas has been coughing. I started to notice it several days ago when he would cough once or twice while asleep. One night, he coughed so hard continuously for probably a good five minutes until it waked him and made him cry.

The next day, I brought him to his doctor who said he is fine, to my relief.  His lungs were clear, his ears didn't show any signs of infection and "he is a perfectly healthy little boy", said his doctor.

He may have just caught a bug, which will go away in a few days, unless it develops into a cold. Until now, he doesn't have colds so I'm hoping he is OK. Fingers crossed. 

But what really amazed me was the doctor's prescription--turn on the vaporizer all night and if he coughs hard and sounds congested, rub Vicks Vaporub on...............guess where?  The bottom of his feet! And then cover his feet with blanket or socks.

Really??? Am I the only one who doesn't know this?  Clearly, my mom doesn't. My siblings and I grew up relying on Vicks for cough and colds but we've always applied it on the chest, neck and back.  Sometimes even on the forehead and nose, which as we all know, is not recommended. 

Although I've used Vicks Baby Rub on Lucas in the past, I've always been reluctant about using any Vicks on him, especially on the chest.  But applying it on the feet sounds pretty safe to me.

Oh, I did google it when I got home and true enough, so many moms swear by this technique!

So that night, we put the vaporizer on as the doctor suggested.  About three hours later, he started coughing so I applied Vicks on to his feet.  Well, there was not a peep from him until he woke up the next morning.

***

Photo: Gabriella and Isabella. Twins. Potential clients. This is not the official photos. We met up and discussed their upcoming shoot, and I took a few test snaps.  The girls are adorable!  I am excited to do their portraits.

Fruit of the Vine

It's harvest time!

Today, Charles decided to harvest some of the grapes that were hanging from our backyard canopy.  Some of the fruits were still very small but they were starting to fall off, so he decided it was time, at least for some of them.

This is only about a third of the entire produce that need to be harvested.  When I got home from work and took a peek at the outside, it's as if nothing was taken off of the vine.

I think our grapevine is not as healthy as it should be.  The fruits are inconsistent in size.  The big ones seem very ripe and they're sweet, and the small ones are sour.  I don't know if we should have waited.  But if we did, maybe they would have fallen off on their own and we'd have very little left to enjoy.  I wish we were more experienced with taking care of plants and fruit trees.  Gardening is just not our thing. This is one area that the husband and I would likely flunk.

Lucas was so thrilled about the grapes.  He used to go outside and ask to pick some fruit, but we would tell him it's not ready yet.  Now, he can enjoy as much as he wants, until mom and dad says "that's enough".  He ate too much of it today that we had to stop him from even going to the kitchen.

I wish my dad was here.  We owe him this.  He had the vision of grapes growing in the backyard and fruits hanging from the canopy, providing a natural shade while he sits in the backyard and lounges the day away.  He planted this, along with other fruit trees when he and my mom came to visit a couple of years ago.  Now, we are reaping the fruits of his labor and there is nothing I want now than for him to enjoy it too.

Apple's Best

Whatever will happen to Apple now that Steve Jobs has resigned as its CEO?  That's the million-dollar question of the day.

As big Apple fans and fans of Mr. Jobs himself, the husband and I find this news tragic. Charles said this is one resignation that makes him really sad, and I feel exactly the same way.  We couldn't stop talking about it all night, and we discussed it up until our lights were off, and into the wee hours of the morning. And reading his resignation letter, which is now all over the web, really got me weak to the knees.

"I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple's CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come." he said.

Something tells me he did not want to leave his post, but something isn't letting him continue.  And it must be his health. It is quite sad, and only proves one thing:  you can have all the powers and the riches in the world, but if you don't have your health, you could lose almost everything.  "Almost" because I know Mr. Jobs will not lose it all. Even when he dies, he will keep a name and leave a legacy that no other CEO has ever left an organization.

He is almost like a church leader that people follow and respect even when he doesn't make any sense. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that his decision not to support flash animation in his mobile devices is a huge thumbs-down.  But we buy them anyway. Who has that kind of influence? 

He is almost like this magical character that turns everything he touches into gold. His very simplistic approach has amazingly earned his company great success and I wonder if his successors can be that visibly effective.

I hope he is not dying. And I hope that in the absence of a visionary and a great leader, Apple will still continue to make great products because I am, as you can see, a nearly-obsessed fan.

***

Photo:  Lucas picking apples (the fruit) at my sister's

Little Girl Tati

I have a lot of catching up to do.  There is so much I want to share here but so little time to do it.

But how can I forget about this little girl Tatiana or "Tati" as her mom and dad calls her?  Her lovely eyes and infectious smile still haunts me to this day.  Maybe because they ordered more stuff from me that I keep thinking about this "open project" that I want completed soon.  Or maybe because she is just pure and outright adorable, and her mom Emily is so slim she really inspired me to work harder at losing weight.  And, admittedly, made me quite jealous.

Emily and I have been emailing since October of last year.  That's when she first asked me to take photos of Tati. We only live an hour apart, but for some reasons we couldn't get our schedules to work.  She also asked me to photograph Tati's first birthday back in January, which would have been a good opportunity to meet other moms and potential clients.  But I had to travel that weekend and had to pass up on the opportunity.  Finally, on July 30th, we made it work.

Tati is so fond of his dad.  The way she clings to him makes me believe in what people always say--that little girls tend to be closer to their dad and little boys to their mom.

Emily, Carlos and Tatiana make a good-looking family.

She got along well with Lucas--way too well!

They ordered a book, which is great because I love making books.  This is a hard-bound photo book--a good alternative to flush-mounted albums for a quarter of the price.  The hard cover is printed on metallic paper, which I love because it has a little shimmer on it yet it doesn't show hand prints.

The first spread--one of my favorites.

The pages lay flat when you open them, and it has no gutters in between,

so photos look nice and clean even when spread between two pages.

I prefer to do the layouts myself instead of using pre-made templates provided by the lab.  That way, I get to stick my brand on the back.

My entire set of deliverables--a book and a custom DVD in a custom DVD case.  The custom DVD includes soft copies of the album layout.

I only include a custom DVD case when the client orders a book.  Otherwise, my clients get a custom DVD in a standard slim case.

Emily now wants to order a gallery print. I am excited to know which photo they will pick and how it will turn out.  Clearly, they are pleased with my work and I couldn't be happier.

At her age now, Tatiana is very challenging to photograph. She didn't care about the camera.  She just loves to run around and play. Her curiosity of the things around her was quite fascinating! But I so enjoyed working with her and her family. I truly hope I'll have the opportunity to take her photos again in the future--maybe when she's a little bigger, and more willing to pose for me.

Unforgivable

Last week, I did something unimaginable.  I forgot my mom's birthday.

I was traveling most of the week, and when I do I get too focused on work.  I remember getting a text from my sister early in the morning and it said "it's mama's birthday. don't forget to call!" My sister is not one to remind me about these things, but this time she did.  She knew I was away, very occupied and likely to forget.  But I was still sleepy having slept very late the night before. So ignored it, went back to sleep and by the time I woke up, I was running late for an appointment. Hotel alarm didn't go off!

After work that day, I went out to a dinner meeting and came back late. By the time I remembered what day it was, it was already very late on the 18th.

My mom was clearly upset, and rightfully so. She didn't want to talk to me.  I made it worse by attempting a lame excuse. "It's only the 18th here" I said.  "Well, it's almost the end of the 19th here" she responded.

At first, I thought, she was being childish and unreasonable.  If she forgets my birthday, I wouldn't care.  But then it occurred to me--what if one day Lucas forgets my birthday?  Or what if Charles does? And my thoughts traveled back to the days when I was little.  When it was my birthday and my parents didn't show any signs of preparations for a party or a celebration.  I remember how bad I felt.  I would lock myself in the room weeping and saying to myself, "I wish I would not live another year so they will regret not celebrating my last birthday!"  Yeah, it was that bad.

I think I know now how my mom felt.  This matters to her, maybe more than it matters to me. And I realize how lucky I am that my parents are still with us, and this should matter. Forgetting my mom's special day should be unforgivable, but I hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me anyway.  And I know she will.

Sweet Tooth

My homemade Crepe with strawberry, banana and pecan filling

I've never had a sweet tooth.  Dessert isn't my favorite part of a meal and I've always been just happy with coffee and tea, unsweetened.

But lately I have been craving for anything sweet.  I ask myself, "have I over-deprived myself of carbs that my body is missing sugar?"  I'm sure this isn't the case since I haven't changed my diet, and in fact, I have been eating white rice instead of brown for maybe about 2 months now!

I guess it started after my successful attempt at apple strudels.  I had two servings of apple and peach cobbler at a picnic last weekend, with two scoops of ice cream on top of that.  I had two jumbo cupcakes at work. My colleague brought two different kinds and I made the mistake of trying both--they were so good I couldn't stop eating them!

Every night since last weekend, I've had crepe after dinner!  I've always loved crepes and now I make them in my own kitchen--everything from scratch, including of course the pancake/wrapper.  I loved making crepe, flipping it and tossing it in the air.  Oh, that was so much fun!

Today, while driving home from work, all I could think of was chocolate brownies.  Good thing there wasn't a lot of time to even make dinner, so I had to put aside the brownies.  Until next time.