Daycare

I dropped Lucas off at daycare for the first time today.  Grandma Nena (his nanny) is going back to the Philippines for a long vacation and we have at least a month before it's our turn to go.

The good news is, I found a daycare that I really like and it is operated by our next-door neighbor, who is such a wonderful person. So yes, Lucas' daycare is just right across the street from us. If ever he cries and screams, maybe we can even hear him from our house.

The bad news is, Lucas understood that we are going to leave him there for the day and after almost three years of being cared for in his own home where he has developed his little comfort zone, it was hard to get him to agree to the new arrangement.

It was heartbreaking to let him go. We tried to have a conversation with him last night to make him understand why we had to do what we plan to do. But he insisted that we (Charles and I) shouldn't go to work so we can be with him. And when he said "I need my Mama and Papa" with all seriousness, he just rendered me and his dad speechless!

I began to question myself again and whether or not my decision to work full-time is the right one. I am still convinced it is right, but have I really taken a hard look at what I am doing, how I am spending my day-to-day and whether or not my time is carved out right so there is good balance between work and family?  Maybe Charles is right when he said I have way too many extra-curricular activities. I am trying to do everything and be good at everything. In the end, I'm afraid, I might end up becoming good at everything except being a good mom.

We decided that sending Lucas to daycare was a better choice than finding a replacement nanny. It is a no-brainer. He needed to be out there and start spending time with other kids. He will be going to preschool soon and it is good for him to start being exposed to the routine. We thought daycare would give him that early exposure.

This morning, Lucas willingly held my hand as we walked across the street towards his daycare. I stayed there for a while hoping he'd get comfortable with the other kids and would happily bid me goodbye. But that didn't happen. While there, he continued to hold my hand and didn't want to let go. He liked the place and all the toys that were new to him, but he wanted me to stay and play with him. He begged for me not to go to work.

The plan was to make sure he sees me leave so he won't ask for me. But instead, the babysitter and the other kids, who by the way were extremely sweet to him, had to distract him so I could sneak out of the place.  I can't wait to learn how it all went after that.  I'm sure he is fine and that he'll blend in well with the other kids. My little man is a trooper and he'll find a way to be amused.  But it broke my heart to see him sad.  And now I realize how other parents feel when they send their kids to school for the first time.