Lingering Thoughts
I believe in destiny. I believe in the idea that some aspects of our lives have already been mapped out, planned for. We have the freewill to shape our future and lead our lives to the direction that we want. But if that doesn't turn out to be what was planned for us, then there are powers beyond our own that will take us back to where we should be. A friend of mine just proved to me once again that there is such a thing as "destiny". Long story, but a beautiful one. I might tell it one day.
***
I woke up one day realizing how much Lucas has grown. Sometimes, I am taken aback when he talks to me and suddenly he would sound like a grown up. Sometimes, he makes me feel like I am the kid and he is the parent when he reminds me not to put my foot up on the chair or to stop biting my nails. I was amazed when one time I sat down with him to teach him numbers and the next minute I saw him keying the numeric password on the iPad to unlock it--all on his own.
How can I not be keeping up with him? How can I not know where he is at--with his learnings, his progress, the new toys that he likes or new things that he likes to do? Until now, I haven't made his dentist's appointment, which is now long overdue. I haven't re-enrolled him in swim class after I took him off the class when we were going away for a month, and I didn't want to pay for the classes if he couldn't go to them. And now the summer is almost over. Before I know it, he'll be in school and his time at home will be limited to night and weekends, spring breaks and summer breaks. And I'll just be one of those parents who take vacations during school breaks, because that's all the time there is to be with their kids.
I've been so busy. I didn't have to be, but I've made myself one. I feel that I have taken on so much that I am now falling short of being a mom and a wife. I need some time off. Some serious, extended time off. I want to stay at home and be a full-time mom and a full-time wife. I want to be with my son all day everyday, playing, eating and learning with him. I want to take him to places and we can explore together. Oh, how nice would that be?
Taking the time off from work will be a tough thing for me to do, but I might just make it happen.
***
Photo: The Japanese Friendship Garden, San Jose, CA
6 comments:
welcome to the parent with school age children... the never ending homeworks, projects, and selling anything for the school...
don't worry liz, you'll just adapt well when that time comes.
for sure we need to have some few tweaking in our lives, not necessarily for our own good but for family --- not because we're committed but more so our love for them.
just go with your instinct/go with the flow liz, just my two cents ♥
liz, i hear you. I feel the same feeling for ages, specially now that I am a mother of teenagers. but i have to tell you, no matter how much we want to, there will come a time when destiny leads them to their own calling. i end up staying home alone kay they are busy with their own lives. this time, i am contented nalang watching them grow on their own. not to scare you but seize every moment. specially with lucas kay dali ra gyud sila mo dako. never stop letting them know how much they are loved and that someone is home everytime they need us.
oh, and lucas is just adorable and smart. lami paakon. i see him and i suddenly get nostalgic with thoughts of my boys when they were his age.
oh cuz, even with everything on your plate, i still find you to be the perfect mom to Lucas, and by the looks of it, the perfect wife to Charles. you don't seem to miss a beat. whenever we visit, we find a very happy home, a happy husband, a little boy who's growing up smart and healthy and strong. you are superwoman! :D
Cindy said...
welcome to the parent with school age children... the never ending homeworks, projects, and selling anything for the school...
don't worry liz, you'll just adapt well when that time comes.
Cinds, it would really be nice to take some time off before Lucas goes to school. And "time off" I means weeks or months, just to stay at home, be a mom and a full-time housewife. I would love that and I think my family will too. I just don't know it's a good idea to do that at this time, with this economy. If I leave work, I would like to be able to find a job easily when I feel it's time to go back to work.
konsuy said...
liz, i hear you. I feel the same feeling for ages, specially now that I am a mother of teenagers. but i have to tell you, no matter how much we want to, there will come a time when destiny leads them to their own calling. i end up staying home alone kay they are busy with their own lives...
Chi, I know there will come a time when they would rather be with their friends [or girlfriend] than hang out with us. So I just want to take advantage of these days nga medyo clingy pa sila sa atoa. I just hope someday, when Lucas has other priorities, that he will still go out of his way to spend time with me. And that he'll never think of me as an uncool mom. I hope we will always be close.
JoPiE said...
oh cuz, even with everything on your plate, i still find you to be the perfect mom to Lucas, and by the looks of it, the perfect wife to Charles. you don't seem to miss a beat. whenever we visit, we find a very happy home, a happy husband, a little boy who's growing up smart and healthy and strong. you are superwoman! :D
Haha! Cuz, thanks for the kind words! But I wish I also feel like a "superwoman", nga dili kapuyon, dili mahutdan ug energy. My life is exhausting!!! Pero happy pa man sad so far. Hopefully magpadayon--nga happy (not exhausted)! Hehehe...
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