Unforgivable

Last week, I did something unimaginable.  I forgot my mom's birthday.

I was traveling most of the week, and when I do I get too focused on work.  I remember getting a text from my sister early in the morning and it said "it's mama's birthday. don't forget to call!" My sister is not one to remind me about these things, but this time she did.  She knew I was away, very occupied and likely to forget.  But I was still sleepy having slept very late the night before. So ignored it, went back to sleep and by the time I woke up, I was running late for an appointment. Hotel alarm didn't go off!

After work that day, I went out to a dinner meeting and came back late. By the time I remembered what day it was, it was already very late on the 18th.

My mom was clearly upset, and rightfully so. She didn't want to talk to me.  I made it worse by attempting a lame excuse. "It's only the 18th here" I said.  "Well, it's almost the end of the 19th here" she responded.

At first, I thought, she was being childish and unreasonable.  If she forgets my birthday, I wouldn't care.  But then it occurred to me--what if one day Lucas forgets my birthday?  Or what if Charles does? And my thoughts traveled back to the days when I was little.  When it was my birthday and my parents didn't show any signs of preparations for a party or a celebration.  I remember how bad I felt.  I would lock myself in the room weeping and saying to myself, "I wish I would not live another year so they will regret not celebrating my last birthday!"  Yeah, it was that bad.

I think I know now how my mom felt.  This matters to her, maybe more than it matters to me. And I realize how lucky I am that my parents are still with us, and this should matter. Forgetting my mom's special day should be unforgivable, but I hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me anyway.  And I know she will.