Being Mom
In less than a month, I shall be returning to work and I am not very excited about it. I honestly don't see myself being an 'at-home' mom so I do want to go back to work, but not right now, not soon. I don't think I am ready for it just yet.
There are so many things that I have set out to do while on leave--repaint and redecorate the house, print some of my photos and hang them, change my name, change my looks, finish those baby scrapbooks, among other things. It's been two months, yet I have not accomplished a single one of them. I have not even started working on the nursery and now it's almost about time for Lucas to move to his own room.
When I was at work, I'd feel productive and accomplished at the end of every day. Lately though, at the end of every week I'd look back and think about what I have accomplished for that week. Most of the time I just can't come up with anything specific. Sometimes I feel worthless. Sometimes I wonder "what have I done in the two months that have passed?".
On the other hand, I'd look at Lucas and see a whole different perspective. Every time I play with him and he smiles, every time I feed him and he's filled, when he smells fresh and good because I changed and bathed him, and when he cries and only I can soothe him--I feel a great deal of satisfaction because I know that I spent everyday with him, I have bonded with him the most and that I know him more than anybody else does.
And I guess there's my answer--in the last two months, I did nothing but be a mom to him and I don't think I need to persuade anyone, including myself of how tough that job is.
14 comments:
love this entry liz.. It reminds me of how much I enjoyed my boys when they were lucas's age. You'll miss him, I'm sure, when you go back to work..
it will not be easy to leave lucas home but think about the thrill of seeing him after work. kanang thrill nga mag dali na ka ug uli because you want to be home early and see unsa iyang bag-ong nakat-unan. lucas will change a lot of your schedules gyud. (but it is a happy change and something you will look forward to do). mommy na gyud kaayo ka liz. =)
Liz,dont be too hard on yourself, being a mom to Lucas is very time consuming and very fulfilling, your hands are tied to the moment=) i dont blame you, when i have a child, id probably wont like to work anymore=)LOL=)
love that picture=)
Liz, I know what you mean about accomplishing nothing... I've been thru a lot of craziness... and all my husband could say is "look at our son, he is such a happy baby!" and that says a lot already. I can't imagine how I made thru all these years with my son at home, he is now almost four years old and that baby scrapbook is still a dream LOL!
I wish you didn't have to go back to work this soon too Liz... enjoy the rest of your bonding time w/your Lucas =D
that's the most meaningful and fulfilling role anyone would ever play or do, to be a parent. and i so envy you, you have lucas. i'm sure you'll miss him when you go back to work. =)
Mai.Mai said...
love this entry liz.. It reminds me of how much I enjoyed my boys when they were lucas's age. You'll miss him, I'm sure, when you go back to work..
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I don't even want to think about it yet, Mai--about going back to work. But it's a given, so I have to deal with it no matter how difficult.
konsuy said...
...lucas will change a lot of your schedules gyud. (but it is a happy change and something you will look forward to do). mommy na gyud kaayo ka liz. =)
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Sus Chi, karon pa lang sige na ko think about what time I'll get off work, how long the commute is, how much time I'll spend in traffic, etc. Basically, I'm trying to calculate how much time I have to be away and what I can do to minimize it. If only I can bring him to work...
photosandmemos said...
Liz,dont be too hard on yourself, being a mom to Lucas is very time consuming and very fulfilling, your hands are tied to the moment=) i dont blame you, when i have a child, id probably wont like to work anymore=)LOL=)
love that picture=)
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Hehe, thanks Chel! Indeed being a mom is very fulfilling! Perteng hago-a but very much worth every effort.
Mommy Blogs said...
...I've been thru a lot of craziness... and all my husband could say is "look at our son, he is such a happy baby!" and that says a lot already. I can't imagine how I made thru all these years with my son at home, he is now almost four years old and that baby scrapbook is still a dream LOL!....
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That's very true, T! When you see how well and happy your baby is, I guess it shows a lot of how hard you worked to take care of him.
About the scrapbooking thing... oh, you just need to start 'coz once you get started, it'll be finished in no time! =)
Aileen Siroy said...
that's the most meaningful and fulfilling role anyone would ever play or do, to be a parent. and i so envy you, you have lucas. i'm sure you'll miss him when you go back to work. =)
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Thank you, Ai for the kind words! Kudos to our parents who did a great job raising us. I learned a lot from them. And when it's your turn, I think you'll be a great parent too--just like your mom =)
welcome to motherhood liz... you'll miss lucas the first time you get back to work [i remember those days]... once you overcome it, this feeling will comeback the first time they go to school too [sige ko hilak intawon liz]....
you'll get by liz. for the meantime enjoy these free days with lucas. by the way, don't forget to bring picture of baby lucas sa work, i always carry my girls in my ID holder =)
Cindy said...
welcome to motherhood liz... you'll miss lucas the first time you get back to work [i remember those days]... once you overcome it, this feeling will comeback the first time they go to school too [sige ko hilak intawon liz]....
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Hala noh? Going to school? Murag dugay-dugay pa na Cinds, but I have heard parents say they really have to adjust when the kids start going to school. I have a cousin who sent his son to school and he pulled him out after a week because he missed him so badly, wala daw cya ka-adjust. I told him "you're gonna have to send him to school eventually!"
hi cuz! have no doubt at all that whatever thing you missed or think you failed to do in the last two/three months are all inconsequential in the light of your role as "mom."
when we visited you and i saw what a good job you were doing with lucas, i could only marvel at how much you've morphed into a mother. i can only wish i can do half as good a job as you're doing when the li'l pumpkin comes. :-)
JoPiE said...
...when we visited you and i saw what a good job you were doing with lucas, i could only marvel at how much you've morphed into a mother. i can only wish i can do half as good a job as you're doing when the li'l pumpkin comes. :-)
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Hi cuz, I think motherhood will just come to you naturally as soon as you have the baby in your arms. It's so amazing how quick the transformation is that sometimes the hub won't even recognize you! Haha!
I'm sure you're going to be a great mom! It's going to be tough--there will be days when you feel like you've missed out on a lot of things and days when you wish you were by yourself and you worry about nothing but your own. But most of the time, you will want to be with your baby and just not do anything else. :-)
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