My Christmas Wish

Last week, my siblings and I decided to share with each other a Christmas wishlist for ourselves and for the kids.  The list has to be in a certain order--needs on top and wants on the bottom.  That way, we would all end up buying things that we can really use. After all, we knew we were going to buy each other gifts anyway.

But after this weekend--after hearing of the flooding in Mindanao and getting the horrible news that my aunt (mom's younger sister) is among the missing, and that her two daughters were also swept away by the flood and are now severely injured, the last thing we can think about is Christmas and our Christmas wishlist.

So my Christmas list is now down to one:

1. Bundt pan and a pie dish for my next baking project
2. A new pair of work shoes
3. A cookie cutter set
4. A gift certificate from AdoramaPix
5. An easy-to-follow cookbook
6. A new classic round Waffle maker (by either Calphalon or All-clad)
7. Burberry trench coat in sand or beige
8. Etienne Aigner Chastity boots in Banana Bread leather
9. Blue Topaz drop earrings from Blue Nile
10. Nikon 24mm f/1.4 lens
1. That my aunt be found and my cousins survive

May God answer my plea...

In Cancun...

...we had a home away from home for about a week.

...we extended our summer as it was starting to get chilly in the north.

...we had a hammock in the balcony of our room, where we spent some time enjoying the morning sun and the ocean breeze.

...my little boy had a blast!

...we spent a lot of time at the pool,

and the beach.

...we played hard, 

and we bonded a lot.

...we made so many good memories,

...and we celebrated a very important day.

Family vacations are very important to me.  I make sure we include it in our budget every year--at least one long vacation and maybe one or a couple short ones.  Going away rejuvenates me.  It keeps me sane.

Growing up, our family didn't have the means to go on nice family vacations.  My parents worked all the time and I don't recall them taking any time off other than when we had to make short trips to attend weddings or some special events.  On summer breaks, my siblings and I helped with the family business or with some relative's business.

To my parents, vacation was luxury and something they can only enjoy when they retire.  To me, vacation doesn't have to be luxury.  There are so many ways to get away without spending too much.  I don't want to have to wait until retirement to enjoy and see places, because what if I don't live long enough to be 65?  What if I'm not healthy enough to travel then?

I want to do what I can now.  And if my husband and I are blessed with healthy senior years, then maybe that means we'll just have to travel more. :-)

Breathe

Dear Self,

Breathe. 

Relax. 

Take it easy. 

Everything will be just fine.

Days like these will come to pass.

I know it's one of those weeks when every day seems like a 24-hour work day. You push yourself to the limits and you end up getting pushed to the wall instead, left with not a lot of choices. You do what seems right, but nothing seems to work out as well as they should and you end up with a marathon of discouraging results.

You go home and expect life to suddenly change. It always does. But there are days when no amount of TV shows or baseball game or internet browsing can distract you. Your little boy gets you occupied for a little while and takes you to your Lala land--he never fails to do so, but only until he kisses you goodnight and retires for the day. Then you're back to where you were and realizes that you failed to leave the anxiety at work and all the emotions that came along with it.

But days like these have an end. Mind you, next week or maybe even tomorrow will be a whole new story, one that is a complete opposite. And you will be delighted once again. This is life. It is never perfect for anyone. And complaining will not make it any better.

So take it easy.

Hang in there.  You'll be fine.

And breathe.

~Liza~

My Little Boy Lucas

A few days ago...

Daddy:  Lucas, do you want to sleep next to Daddy?
Lucas:  Not really, no.

Charles and I, confused yet amazed, just stared at each other as I signaled, "how on earth did he learn how to say that???"

A day after...

Daddy:  Lucas, your toenails are getting long. Let's putol your toenails nah!
Lucas:  No, Papa. Later!

I was watching The Kennedys on TV while Lucas was squatting on the floor playing. He glanced at the TV while it was showing Greg Kinnear, who plays JFK making a speech.

Lucas:  Who is that tawo talking?
Me:  That's John F Kennedy
Lucas:  John F Kennedy?  Who's that?
Me:  I don't know, Long!

After saying that to him, I thought, I should have told him who he is rather than just saying "I don't know". I think I did that to stop him from asking further.  But he should be asking.  It is his job to ask and my job to answer and teach.  He may not understand what I tell him now, but I owe it to him to speak truthfully when he asks me something.

Lucas turned 28 months old today and he is at that very curious stage.  Everything I watch, he wants to watch too. Everything I touch, he wants to put his hands on them too.  He doesn't like sleeping anymore because he does not want to miss anything.  We used to keep him out of the kitchen at all times but now he insists on watching me cook and prepare his food.  When I have a call, he wants to grab the phone so he can listen in and also talk to the person on the other line. When he sees me pulling out the camera to take his picture, he would try and grab the camera and insist that he takes my picture instead.  Grandma Nena used to read him a book before his afternoon naps, but now he takes the book and says, "Grandma Nena sleep, Lucas read the book!"

He can talk so well now, better than other kids his age.  I know that because his pedia says so, and because I know kids from church and kids of my co-workers who are older than him but can't speak as well.  They can say words, but my Lucas can say sentences.

He even starts to reason with us now.  One time we had our friend Jim for dinner.  We were on the dinner table for hours, catching up and having a lovely chat with our friend.  Lucas was just playing the whole time after he finished his meal, but later he started getting annoyed for the lack of attention.

Lucas:  Lucas go to Mama Papa bed! (he wants to go to our bedroom)
Me:  No, wa tawo didto. We're all here so just stay here.
Lucas:  Naaahh! Lucas go to Mama Papa bed.  Dala Mama! (He started grabbing my hand and pulling me. I resisted)
Me:  No, diri lang ta kay ngit-ngit didto.  See, it's so dark!
Lucas:  Lucas siga suga!  (He said he'll turn on the lights)

He immediately grabbed a step stool and made his way to the bedroom.  At that point, we just all cracked up, especially our friend Jim after we translated what Lucas had said.

He knows very well how to navigate the iPad, the iPod and the iPhone.  One time he listened to music on my iPhone and I wondered how he was able to.  My iPhone is always locked and he doesn't know the passcode.  When I took it back from him, the music was playing but I saw that the phone was still locked.  I spent days trying to figure out how he did it.  I was so close to looking up the manual and thought it might be quicker if I just give up and ask him.  My 2-year old showed me how to do it.  It was so simple but I never would have figured it out.  I couldn't help but think--oh, my boy is a genius!

We often take for granted the fact that we need to continue teaching him.  Because he speaks well and knows quite a bit now, we have stopped actively teaching him things. Whatever he's learned this past several weeks, he learned them on his own--from watching his kid shows on TV, from his iPad apps, and just from observing us and listening to us talk.  It's amazing how much his little brain has absorbed, and I hope this continues.

As for me, I am beginning to think about how best to maximize his potentials at the same time allowing him to enjoy being a toddler. We have just started potty-training him. We decided to wait until next year before taking him to preschool.  I think he's ready for it, but I'm the one who's not.  I have yet to come to terms with the fact that he has grown up and no longer a baby. I have yet to settle into the routine of dropping him off and picking him up.  Even the thought of it doesn't make me comfortable--not just yet.

But I'll get to it in time. After all, what's best for him is what matters. For now, I will continue to enjoy my little boy Lucas, teach him and feed his curiosity, and marvel at his new abilities.

Lingering Thoughts

I believe in destiny. I believe in the idea that some aspects of our lives have already been mapped out, planned for. We have the freewill to shape our future and lead our lives to the direction that we want. But if that doesn't turn out to be what was planned for us, then there are powers beyond our own that will take us back to where we should be. A friend of mine just proved to me once again that there is such a thing as "destiny". Long story, but a beautiful one. I might tell it one day.

***

I woke up one day realizing how much Lucas has grown. Sometimes, I am taken aback when he talks to me and suddenly he would sound like a grown up.  Sometimes, he makes me feel like I am the kid and he is the parent when he reminds me not to put my foot up on the chair or to stop biting my nails.  I was amazed when one time I sat down with him to teach him numbers and the next minute I saw him keying the numeric password on the iPad to unlock it--all on his own.

How can I not be keeping up with him? How can I not know where he is at--with his learnings, his progress, the new toys that he likes or new things that he likes to do?  Until now, I haven't made his dentist's appointment, which is now long overdue.  I haven't re-enrolled him in swim class after I took him off the class when we were going away for a month, and I didn't want to pay for the classes if he couldn't go to them.  And now the summer is almost over.  Before I know it, he'll be in school and his time at home will be limited to night and weekends, spring breaks and summer breaks.  And I'll just be one of those parents who take vacations during school breaks, because that's all the time there is to be with their kids.

I've been so busy. I didn't have to be, but I've made myself one. I feel that I have taken on so much that I am now falling short of being a mom and a wife.  I need some time off.  Some serious, extended time off.  I want to stay at home and be a full-time mom and a full-time wife.  I want to be with my son all day everyday, playing, eating and learning with him.  I want to take him to places and we can explore together.  Oh, how nice would that be?

Taking the time off from work will be a tough thing for me to do, but I might just make it happen.

***

Photo:  The Japanese Friendship Garden, San Jose, CA

Did You Know?

Lucas has been coughing. I started to notice it several days ago when he would cough once or twice while asleep. One night, he coughed so hard continuously for probably a good five minutes until it waked him and made him cry.

The next day, I brought him to his doctor who said he is fine, to my relief.  His lungs were clear, his ears didn't show any signs of infection and "he is a perfectly healthy little boy", said his doctor.

He may have just caught a bug, which will go away in a few days, unless it develops into a cold. Until now, he doesn't have colds so I'm hoping he is OK. Fingers crossed. 

But what really amazed me was the doctor's prescription--turn on the vaporizer all night and if he coughs hard and sounds congested, rub Vicks Vaporub on...............guess where?  The bottom of his feet! And then cover his feet with blanket or socks.

Really??? Am I the only one who doesn't know this?  Clearly, my mom doesn't. My siblings and I grew up relying on Vicks for cough and colds but we've always applied it on the chest, neck and back.  Sometimes even on the forehead and nose, which as we all know, is not recommended. 

Although I've used Vicks Baby Rub on Lucas in the past, I've always been reluctant about using any Vicks on him, especially on the chest.  But applying it on the feet sounds pretty safe to me.

Oh, I did google it when I got home and true enough, so many moms swear by this technique!

So that night, we put the vaporizer on as the doctor suggested.  About three hours later, he started coughing so I applied Vicks on to his feet.  Well, there was not a peep from him until he woke up the next morning.

***

Photo: Gabriella and Isabella. Twins. Potential clients. This is not the official photos. We met up and discussed their upcoming shoot, and I took a few test snaps.  The girls are adorable!  I am excited to do their portraits.

Fruit of the Vine

It's harvest time!

Today, Charles decided to harvest some of the grapes that were hanging from our backyard canopy.  Some of the fruits were still very small but they were starting to fall off, so he decided it was time, at least for some of them.

This is only about a third of the entire produce that need to be harvested.  When I got home from work and took a peek at the outside, it's as if nothing was taken off of the vine.

I think our grapevine is not as healthy as it should be.  The fruits are inconsistent in size.  The big ones seem very ripe and they're sweet, and the small ones are sour.  I don't know if we should have waited.  But if we did, maybe they would have fallen off on their own and we'd have very little left to enjoy.  I wish we were more experienced with taking care of plants and fruit trees.  Gardening is just not our thing. This is one area that the husband and I would likely flunk.

Lucas was so thrilled about the grapes.  He used to go outside and ask to pick some fruit, but we would tell him it's not ready yet.  Now, he can enjoy as much as he wants, until mom and dad says "that's enough".  He ate too much of it today that we had to stop him from even going to the kitchen.

I wish my dad was here.  We owe him this.  He had the vision of grapes growing in the backyard and fruits hanging from the canopy, providing a natural shade while he sits in the backyard and lounges the day away.  He planted this, along with other fruit trees when he and my mom came to visit a couple of years ago.  Now, we are reaping the fruits of his labor and there is nothing I want now than for him to enjoy it too.

Apple's Best

Whatever will happen to Apple now that Steve Jobs has resigned as its CEO?  That's the million-dollar question of the day.

As big Apple fans and fans of Mr. Jobs himself, the husband and I find this news tragic. Charles said this is one resignation that makes him really sad, and I feel exactly the same way.  We couldn't stop talking about it all night, and we discussed it up until our lights were off, and into the wee hours of the morning. And reading his resignation letter, which is now all over the web, really got me weak to the knees.

"I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple's CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come." he said.

Something tells me he did not want to leave his post, but something isn't letting him continue.  And it must be his health. It is quite sad, and only proves one thing:  you can have all the powers and the riches in the world, but if you don't have your health, you could lose almost everything.  "Almost" because I know Mr. Jobs will not lose it all. Even when he dies, he will keep a name and leave a legacy that no other CEO has ever left an organization.

He is almost like a church leader that people follow and respect even when he doesn't make any sense. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that his decision not to support flash animation in his mobile devices is a huge thumbs-down.  But we buy them anyway. Who has that kind of influence? 

He is almost like this magical character that turns everything he touches into gold. His very simplistic approach has amazingly earned his company great success and I wonder if his successors can be that visibly effective.

I hope he is not dying. And I hope that in the absence of a visionary and a great leader, Apple will still continue to make great products because I am, as you can see, a nearly-obsessed fan.

***

Photo:  Lucas picking apples (the fruit) at my sister's

Little Girl Tati

I have a lot of catching up to do.  There is so much I want to share here but so little time to do it.

But how can I forget about this little girl Tatiana or "Tati" as her mom and dad calls her?  Her lovely eyes and infectious smile still haunts me to this day.  Maybe because they ordered more stuff from me that I keep thinking about this "open project" that I want completed soon.  Or maybe because she is just pure and outright adorable, and her mom Emily is so slim she really inspired me to work harder at losing weight.  And, admittedly, made me quite jealous.

Emily and I have been emailing since October of last year.  That's when she first asked me to take photos of Tati. We only live an hour apart, but for some reasons we couldn't get our schedules to work.  She also asked me to photograph Tati's first birthday back in January, which would have been a good opportunity to meet other moms and potential clients.  But I had to travel that weekend and had to pass up on the opportunity.  Finally, on July 30th, we made it work.

Tati is so fond of his dad.  The way she clings to him makes me believe in what people always say--that little girls tend to be closer to their dad and little boys to their mom.

Emily, Carlos and Tatiana make a good-looking family.

She got along well with Lucas--way too well!

They ordered a book, which is great because I love making books.  This is a hard-bound photo book--a good alternative to flush-mounted albums for a quarter of the price.  The hard cover is printed on metallic paper, which I love because it has a little shimmer on it yet it doesn't show hand prints.

The first spread--one of my favorites.

The pages lay flat when you open them, and it has no gutters in between,

so photos look nice and clean even when spread between two pages.

I prefer to do the layouts myself instead of using pre-made templates provided by the lab.  That way, I get to stick my brand on the back.

My entire set of deliverables--a book and a custom DVD in a custom DVD case.  The custom DVD includes soft copies of the album layout.

I only include a custom DVD case when the client orders a book.  Otherwise, my clients get a custom DVD in a standard slim case.

Emily now wants to order a gallery print. I am excited to know which photo they will pick and how it will turn out.  Clearly, they are pleased with my work and I couldn't be happier.

At her age now, Tatiana is very challenging to photograph. She didn't care about the camera.  She just loves to run around and play. Her curiosity of the things around her was quite fascinating! But I so enjoyed working with her and her family. I truly hope I'll have the opportunity to take her photos again in the future--maybe when she's a little bigger, and more willing to pose for me.

Unforgivable

Last week, I did something unimaginable.  I forgot my mom's birthday.

I was traveling most of the week, and when I do I get too focused on work.  I remember getting a text from my sister early in the morning and it said "it's mama's birthday. don't forget to call!" My sister is not one to remind me about these things, but this time she did.  She knew I was away, very occupied and likely to forget.  But I was still sleepy having slept very late the night before. So ignored it, went back to sleep and by the time I woke up, I was running late for an appointment. Hotel alarm didn't go off!

After work that day, I went out to a dinner meeting and came back late. By the time I remembered what day it was, it was already very late on the 18th.

My mom was clearly upset, and rightfully so. She didn't want to talk to me.  I made it worse by attempting a lame excuse. "It's only the 18th here" I said.  "Well, it's almost the end of the 19th here" she responded.

At first, I thought, she was being childish and unreasonable.  If she forgets my birthday, I wouldn't care.  But then it occurred to me--what if one day Lucas forgets my birthday?  Or what if Charles does? And my thoughts traveled back to the days when I was little.  When it was my birthday and my parents didn't show any signs of preparations for a party or a celebration.  I remember how bad I felt.  I would lock myself in the room weeping and saying to myself, "I wish I would not live another year so they will regret not celebrating my last birthday!"  Yeah, it was that bad.

I think I know now how my mom felt.  This matters to her, maybe more than it matters to me. And I realize how lucky I am that my parents are still with us, and this should matter. Forgetting my mom's special day should be unforgivable, but I hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me anyway.  And I know she will.

Sweet Tooth

My homemade Crepe with strawberry, banana and pecan filling

I've never had a sweet tooth.  Dessert isn't my favorite part of a meal and I've always been just happy with coffee and tea, unsweetened.

But lately I have been craving for anything sweet.  I ask myself, "have I over-deprived myself of carbs that my body is missing sugar?"  I'm sure this isn't the case since I haven't changed my diet, and in fact, I have been eating white rice instead of brown for maybe about 2 months now!

I guess it started after my successful attempt at apple strudels.  I had two servings of apple and peach cobbler at a picnic last weekend, with two scoops of ice cream on top of that.  I had two jumbo cupcakes at work. My colleague brought two different kinds and I made the mistake of trying both--they were so good I couldn't stop eating them!

Every night since last weekend, I've had crepe after dinner!  I've always loved crepes and now I make them in my own kitchen--everything from scratch, including of course the pancake/wrapper.  I loved making crepe, flipping it and tossing it in the air.  Oh, that was so much fun!

Today, while driving home from work, all I could think of was chocolate brownies.  Good thing there wasn't a lot of time to even make dinner, so I had to put aside the brownies.  Until next time.

A Sunday Of Many Firsts

Three days ago, I made squid adobo.  For some reasons, the squid made a lot of juice.  There was so much juice that if I didn't get rid of some, my adobo would turn out too soupy.  So I ended up removing about 4 cups of squid broth.  I felt bad throwing it away and the first thing that came to my mind when I thought about what to reuse the broth for was Paella.

So today I made my very first Paella.  I've been thinking about making some for a while now. Charles likes it and he often talks about how he loved the Paella from Lighthouse in Cebu.

I used Arborio rice, a.k.a. Risotto rice.  My Paella turned out OK, but the rice was too fluffy and sticky for me.  Next time, maybe I'll just use Jasmine or regular white long-grain rice.

I wanted to make Chicken and Seafood Paella so I had a good mix of seafood in it.  I had frozen jumbo scallops, which I thawed and diced.

I had Prawns, peeled and deveined.

I had live mussels and clams, thoroughly washed.

I didn't only have squid broth, but I also had some leftover squid adobo which added so much flavor to the dish.

You gotta have meat and a Paella won't be complete without chorizo.  I had chicken and chorizo sauteed in garlic, onions and red bell pepper.

I used carrots and celery for the veggies.

And last but not least, what I think makes Paella a good Paella--saffron!  This is the first time I had real saffron in my kitchen, if I don't consider those mixes and saffron flavorings which I'm sure I had in the past.  This was sold in a small capsule, which I emptied into a cup and soaked in warm water. Each capsule goes a long way.  The wonderful smell and taste of saffron in the Paella was undeniable.

And why was I able to take photos while cooking?  I had to wait for my broth.  I mixed my squid broth with white wine, and added two large smoked ham bones that I had in my freezer.  I had to simmer the broth for about 30 minutes to an hour to get the smoked ham flavor.  It smelled so good in the house when it started simmering.

Meet my first Paella.  With everything in it, this made a complete meal.  This was all I had for dinner, but I had a whole lot!  The husband loved it too!  The two of us finished this entire platter!

For dessert, I made Apple Strudel.  This was a first for me too and it did not disappoint.  This was so easy to make. Everything was completed in about 40 minutes, 30 of which was baking.  I stuck it in the oven right before dinner and by the time we finished eating the Paella, we had a warm, crunchy fresh-from-the-oven apple strudel, which was excellent with our favorite coffee.

I ate so much today that I ended up in the pool, swimming a few laps as late as 10:30 at night.  Had to burn the extra calories off.  I've never been in the pool this late.  Another first.

Missing Ma and Pa

I feel so lucky that my parents are still around.  And I remind myself often that I should make the most of our time together because one day they won't be around for me.

But I don't always do what I must.  I don't always call them when I have the opportunity. I used to call them every Sunday, but now I often forget.  When they were here visiting, I probably spent more time in front of the computer than hanging out with them doing nothing else but have a conversation.  And it's only after they leave that I'd feel I should have done more.

I just miss them today--for no particular reason.  I miss the sound of their voice, my mom's cooking, my dad's smell and the sight of them both in the backyard nurturing the plants, enjoying the sun and whatever little warmth it brings in a chilly early morning.

And I wish they were here with me right at this very moment.

A Magical Place On Earth

Lucas and Nathan meet Mickey Mouse

When my colleagues learned that I was taking the family on a 6-8-hour drive to Disneyland, they thought I was crazy.  Why would I waste almost an entire day driving, paying for a rental van and spending on gas, which by the way is priced almost at its highest for the year, when we could just fly there for an hour and spend less than $100 in airfare?  Point taken.  But when you're with a big group of nine, three of whom are toddlers, driving has definitely its benefits.  We were more relaxed (except maybe for Nathan and Benjamin who got car-sick), we were flexible, we stopped whenever we needed to, and most of all we had fun on the road.  With the exception of heavy traffic in the Los Angeles area, the road trip went relatively well.

I was probably the only mom who did this, but I couldn't care less.

This was probably my sixth trip to Disneyland, but a first for Lucas and all three of them kids.  I was excited for this trip--excited for myself but so much more for my son and my nephews. I couldn't wait to see their faces when they see Mickey Mouse and the other Disney characters.  I couldn't wait to go back to my favorite rides, watch the parade and the shows at night.  I was like a kid waiting to be unleashed and let loose in the playground.  My only childhood experience of Disney was confined to TV, magazines and notebook covers, which is why the child in me is playing catch-up.

The colorful parade at Main Street Disneyland

I'll never get tired of going back to Disneyland.  Despite multiple trips there, I still have not been to each and every ride and attraction.  And every time I go back, there is something new.  This time, the parade is different (though I like the old one better, this too was amazing), there is the new World of Color water show at the California Adventure park which was nothing short of spectacular.  I didn't make it to the new Ariel and Star Wars rides, which is definitely a good reason to go back.

What made this trip even more fun is the presence of my cousin Jopie and her family. It was wonderful to see little Benjamin having fun with his cousins.

Three days is definitely not enough to enjoy Disneyland.  I don't even know if a week is enough.  But I find comfort in knowing that Disneyland is going nowhere.  It will be there when we have the opportunity and the means to visit again.  All it takes is an hour flight or a 6-8 hours short drive to get to one of the most magical places on earth.

The Paradise Pier at Disney California Adventure--site of the World of Color water spectacular.