Paranoia

The Clock Tower, a landmark at the San Francisco Financial District

In this time of economic turmoil, one can’t help but sometimes get too paranoid.

Today I thought I was losing my job. We’re in the phase of firming up our 2009 budget and because the entire company is cutting costs, each of our business units received challenges to reduce expenses for the year by a specific amount. Along with the $$ challenge, top management was going to provide ideas on how and which part of the business we can get cost savings from.

I’ve been asking for this list so I can finally submit our budget, but it took them a while to send it to me. When I finally got hold of it and looked at the details, I almost had a heart attack! One of the items said “eliminate Ops Director”. Well, this isn't exactly my title, but because my team is also in-charge of operations and there are only three of us directors, I was so sure it meant "me".

So I was going to lose my job and things just started plugging through my head--When were they going to tell me? Is this why i got the list so late--because they were trying to figure out how to break it to me? Am i getting any severance pay? What will i do without health insurance? Can they even fire me when they know I'm about to go on disability? What will I do without paid maternity benefits? How much will i get from unemployment insurance?

So I called Charles--we had a long discussion.  I called my sister too and she got worried sick about me.  There was so much disarray going on in my head that I forgot to do the obvious--verify. How could this have come about? Who would have suggested the idea and how could any member of top management, not one of them based locally, even think that getting rid of me is the best way to save the company money? And so I did what I should have done in the first place. I finally assembled my thoughts and gathered the guts to email my boss to ask if they were indeed letting go of me, if they were eliminating my position.

I don't know if I made him fall off his chair or laugh his intestines out, but in less than two minutes I got a phone call and all I could hear was a voice of a totally-perplexed-but-somewhat-amused individual saying "What are you talking about?!?! Of course that's not you! You sent us the data. You said we didn't need the Ops Director and so we're eliminating the position in the 09 Plan!"

Aaahh...finally a light bulb! I now remember that sometime last year, we planned on hiring an Ops Director and because some plans have changed and we have budget constraints, we decided not to pursue with it. It was an open position that we had on the plan and I was the one who eliminated it from the headcount file for 2009.

I felt awfully embarrassed! How can I be such a dork? I spent almost the entire day stressing myself out and even sharing the anxiety with other people. I should have known better!

But then again, we're in such tumultuous economy where thousands of people are losing their jobs and I just can't help but be concerned of my own. Today, I learned two very valuable lessons: (1) to always know thy facts before reacting, and (2) to be more appreciative and thankful that I got a job that I like and that I still have it.

My heart goes out to all those who recently lost their jobs. :-(